Wednesday, September 21, 2011

A New Start

How do I say this with out sounding repetitive? Or do I just come right out and say it? Well here it is… ‘We are going to exercise and eat better’ NOTE the word ‘diet’ isn’t in that line. Because I don’t diet well. I think once that word enters my mind I balk at the idea.
The idea of not eating fun foods, of gorging on anything I want, it crushes me.
DIE is the majority of the word ‘diet’ And yes I think a bit of me dies when I have to ‘diet’. My freedom is taken, and I’m forced to tell myself to do things I don’t want to do.
So instead of ‘DIEting’ we are going to make MUCH better choices, AND we are going to do SOME SORT of physical activity. Be it walking, working out, running the stairs a few times instead of once. P90X a few times a week, toss the iPod on for a few rounds of ‘Cupid Shuffle’ (try squats instead of just kicks)
Starting today, September 21st 2011, and I’m hoping that by June 2012 I’ve lost all the evil weight I’ve put on. Sure I’ve got two kids to blame but who’s to blame for the other 14 pounds I’ve put on since then? This summer alone I’ve gained 8 pounds.
I’ve always had high self esteem I keep my head up, have confidence, and as long as your put together, your weight shouldn’t bring you down. I was getting comfortable in my weight, and it’s NOT a bad thing. But I know I can do better. I’ve done it before.

I think 9 months is a good amount of time to work on myself. It’s going to be a cold fall, long winter, and wrap things up this rainy spring. PLENTY of time.

Biggest thing I hear from people when I tell them I’m going to do this?
‘WHY would you do it now?! The Holidays are coming! You can’t possible want to diet and exercise then!’
 Sigh. If I use ONE more excuse as to WHY it’s not a good time to start, I will NEVER start.
Agreed it’s going to be a challenge, both my parents have birthdays in October, November is my BFF’s Birthday not to mention the wonderful holidays of Halloween, Turkey Day, Jone’s Christmas Party, the Christmas Eve Family Party with Blue’s family, and Christmas Day at Queen and Carrots. I CAN eat food people, just not enough to feed a family of 4 in one sitting.
But with ALL those reasons, the fact that I miss me. The little me. I miss the 5 foot 105 pound me…
GASP! 105 you say?! WHO weights that?! No one should way that little! That’s a bit TOO much!! You are a mom now, I mean let’s be real! Accept the fact that you’ll be heavier forever now!!
Yep, that’s what I ALWAYS here when I say what I want to weigh. But if you look it up on WebMD, talk to a doctor, any female at the HEIGHT of ONLY 5 feet tall should be a healthy 105-110.
At 5 feet tall right now I’m coming in at… yes I’m going to tell you my weight. I don’t care if the whole free world knows… 143.5. (and PLEASE don’t start on me with the whole ‘that weight is JUST fine’ or the ‘do you know I would LOVE to be that weight!’ again this is about ME. Not you.)
Last time I was 110 I was walking down the isle 10 years ago. I gained the ‘Newly wed 10 pounds, (I DID lose 9 of it walking and eating healthy so it IS possible!) and stayed around 120 till I was pregnant with Tink. Went ALL the way up to 164 pounds, and LOST it all but 3 pounds, putting me at 122, before getting pregnant with Buzz. BACK up to 165, and back down to 129. I was doing good but Post Partum Depression took over me, and for the last 5 years I’ve been struggling with my mind.
What? Your always smiley, and your Facebook and Twitter posts always seem pretty cheery… that’s what I did. Put on a smiley face. Said motherhood was HARD, but I could do it. I did it. But thinking I didn’t need medication or therapy I suffered. My temper was short, and I would have to remove myself from the room often to calm down. My brain JUST couldn’t handle whining and crying and all the stress that came with having two kids 22 months apart.
I had two barking boxer dogs at the time, plus two pissing cats. Blue was working 3 jobs, and so it seemed like I was doing things on my own. Money was tight, bills were crazy, and it was a big change for all of us.
Looking back I realize I should have gone to therapy. To get it out, to talk. I have to say my previous blog helped, pouring myself into my Stampin’ Up! art job, and taking it one day at a time with the kids was what I did.
Now we have the cats set up in the art room, I couldn’t get rid of them, but ruining furniture was not an option for keeping them in the whole house.
We’ve sadly lost our dearest boxer, Maggie, to Thyroid Cancer this last April and even though my heart is broken that she is gone. Being down to just Sophie it’s easier on the house work, no barking, no fighting dogs, less stress.
Our home has received a HUGE make over. We moved rooms around. A much needed shift in the flow of the house. Moving the toy room from the front living room to the basement (right next to the Art room/ cat home) which keeps mess and clutter out of sight.
Making the first floor the front library sitting room (not to be mistaken with the ‘fancy don’t touch anything room. We don’t believe in that room) we read, play games, do puzzles and visit in that room.
Then to the dining area/kitchen and then the family room which is now a family room. It once was a sports room filled with TONS of sports memorabilia a HUGE pool table (for sale, and over along the one wall till we sell it!) and the walls were bright red and black. That room was for us before kids, and after 5 years of barely using it. We realized that it was almost a waste of space.
So my point is we needed an overhaul. We moved rooms, and some how the flow of the rooms, the loss of our beloved Maggie, me letting go of the Stampin’ Up! gig, and the organizing of our home. It all made me better.
With the help of Fly Lady I’ve learned to purge and how to clean better. I am making a better home for us.
I have to say I haven’t had to leave the room due to an angry head shaking episode in about 3 months. That’s huge for me.
Which after YEARS and YEARS of saying I’m going to eat better, and exercise. I’m thinking that with a better home, and a clear head, I can. And I will lose the 38 pounds. I’ve got 9 months. So roughly 4.23 pounds a month and 1.06 pounds a week.
So wish me good luck, I’ve got Blue by my side. We are going to change our lives for the better, I can’t wait to see what kind of RoCk StArS we look like next summer.


Lisa U. said...

Way to go! What a fabulous outlook on life and the change that you see is necessary. I am proud of you for taking charge of your life and giving your family the gift of a healthy lifestyle! Kudos to you!

Lisa H. said...

I unlike you have not been content with my weight for a long time. I have been working at it since February and to date have released ( don't say lost because you don't want to ever find them again) 57.6 lbs. I know you can do it. It will not always be easy. I have already been there. Now on most birthdays I don't get a whole piece of cake, I take a few bites from Danny's. I have limited my red meat intake although if my mom cooks it I will eat a fillet. I just don't have it in my house. For three months straight I didn't eat any bread, potatoes, pasta or rice. Basically no starches. I have set several smaller goals along the way to not think about the huge final goal I have set for myself. I want to weigh what I did in high school at least for one week ( 147 lbs). I have started walking as you know from my posts. I could always use a partner so let me know. If you need anything let me know. We can be here for each other. Good Luck and never give up.