That is my goal.
July 19th, 2013 I will be 35 years old. Age is just a number to me, 30 was just another candle on the cake for me. I said it then, 35 will probably hit me harder then 30 does! And I was right.
30 for me was a starting point. I had JUST had my son 3 month prior to my birthday. My plan in life? Married, a home, two kids. All before 30. Done, done, done and done. I rocked my check list. The new start at 30 was to enjoy our children, and the new life as four of us, instead of two.
All fine and dandy. I had a horrible time with PPD, leading to PTSD. I was good at hiding it. Just like most people with depression. You think you know… you have NO idea, what is going on in their heads. The most painful part for me was the kids. My daughter had said to me once “Will you always be an angry mommy?” I was crushed. I vowed to focus, to blog, to journal. And to give myself time outs when I just couldn’t handle the stress. If it was an over eventful few days, or even just a barking dog. Anything could set me off. I’d be sad, angry and short with everyone I came in contact with. Nothing seemed to calm me down faster then food did.
I have, like most people I know, loved carbs. Love them like I love my own children. I mean what’s more comforting on a shitty day, where NOTHING is going right, then a bowl of mashed potatoes? A big bowl of mush to just comfort your sad self.
Now if you’ve been reading my blogs (I’ve gone through a few) you know this isn’t my first attempt to eat right. Be healthy. Blah, blah blah.
But now… now that I feel that the PPD, the PTSD, is gone. That my husband and I are doing good, no fighting. Not much stress around the house, no drama with friends, I can focus on me.
I’ve got to say I thought about taking an easy way out. A friend of mine is taking special pills to help her loose weight super fast. I’m jealous. She’s beautiful to begin with, inside and out. AND now she’s dropping weight super fast?
I remind myself that has NOT worked for me in the past. I get freakishly jittery, and do not do well with drugs.
I tell myself that THIS time both Blue and I are serious about this. He’s doing this with the guys at work. Their company is hosting a get healthy sort of competition for 6 months. This is perfect, he’s my biggest motivation (He’s done the P90X work out 90 days, twice. And gave up his Coke cold turkey 3 years ago. Not drinking pop since)
NOW my motivation in the past has been doing it for the kids. So I’m healthy for them (good idea) I’ve also had reunions I wanted to look great for, or it’s summer, winter, fall, spring, so many reasons, some good some not so good. But none of them were for that ONE reason.
I had to get my mental self better before I could work on the physical me. I’m there. I’m not getting any younger. I attempted to jog in The Color Run 5K a month back. It was sad… a sad, sad day for me. I’m not a runner, but that was not my best game. I KNOW I can do better.
Proud that I did it. Proud that I did the Warrior Dash 5 months ago. It’s more then I was doing 6 months ago. But it’s not good enough.
Last night was my last night to pig out. I had gone to the store, made a WHOLE pan of dumplings. I ate the WHOLE damn pan full. WOW.
Needless to say I’m good on that food for a while! Same goes for all the fast food I ate last week. It was a busy week, no excuse but I ate like crap just about every day, all day.
Not sure why, but when I have the thought of working out, and eating healthy, I have to say good bye to all my favorite foods by eating them all. Good bye Taco Bell Volcano Burrito (worst thing on the menu for you) good bye deep dish pizza, culvers, shells and cheese…
Time for 5 small meals a day. Proportions. Eating for the body I want, not the one I have (found the quote on Pinterest)
Oh, HUGE motivation for me. I’ve GOT to share this. I’m a visual girl. MUST see things to get it, to understand. I made myself a board on Pinterest, “Work It Out” I LOVE to read the quotes, thoughts and see the pictures of in shape people. It’s what works for me.
So… that’s all I’ve got for now. 249 days till July 19th. Fingers crossed, stay tuned. I’ll be posting more ideas, inspirations and pictures to come!